Hi my name is Brian I like to drink and eat cheese.

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yeah good grades are cool and all but have you ever had a good night sleep

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me when i listen to alt-j

  • me: damn this is so fucking good
  • me: what the fuck is he saying

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not to be heterosexual or anything but you look really pretty

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50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”

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what a day!!!!!!!! nothing happened and i was tired

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when a casual conversation with your parents turns into a lectureimage

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My mom got a new puppy